QUESTION: I am wondering if any pastors' wives out there have counsel they can give to a first year homeschool mom (me) with a husband who is in full time ministry. We have five kids and I am at a loss sometimes as to how much ministry involvement I can have... (And my house is clean, that's not the problem).

ANSWER From: "Susan M. Patterson" <caleb@nwinfo.net>
..we have homeschooled for eleven years and are headed for the mission field this year (Lord willing) and are *very* involved in ministry now and have been for most of the time we have homeschooled.

..I know a lot of people who would love for their church leaders to understand the call and demands of homeschooling. God is going to use your trials in this for his greater glory. Hang in there, the first year is the hardest. Five kids is no picnic either, so definitely cut yourself some slack and receive the grace of the Lord...

You didn't mention the ages of your children, but do try to utilize older children to help with the younger ones and don't feel you have to try your homeschool after traditional school models or anyone else's. Do pray, and get *God's* leading each day. He sees the whole big picture and knows what we can handle. It doesn't do anyone any good if you can't get His joy in the whole situation, and He does care if you get enough rest, etc. You will have done your job well if they grow up having the opportunity to know God and are able to take care of themselves...

Over the years, I have had different levels of involvement with my husband. Of course, I do love it when he is involved, but he isn't always. This is something a lot of moms struggle with. Ultimately we can't make these choices for our husbands... The Lord has helped me be content with whatever help I get, which helps my children have a better attitude about homeschooling.

..be realistic about your goals. A dear younger sister who just returned from Urbana told me last night that she learned there that doing too much can be a sign of pride. **ouch**

ANSWER From: Lynn Sidebotham <73362.1503@CompuServe. >
I'm...a missionary wife [who's] been homeschooling for seven years... We have four boys, ages 5 to 12, three of whom have some learning disabilities...

You don't say how old your children are, and that would affect your ministry involvement significantly. I find that kindergarten and first grade take the greatest amount of time to teach...

In the past, I have been involved in ministry, but usually it was because my husband asked me to and made a conscious effort to take over at that point. I would...recommend taking this first year off and then working back in slowly once you are in the routine of homeschooling...

..two areas of concern. One is that a homeschooling mom...needs some breaks from the kids. Bruce has gone so far as to send me off to represent him at a conference while he taught for a week... I am swimming 3 x a week in a YMCA Master's class, and I appreciate getting out and away. Also, I am... fed up with the kids by suppertime, so my husband puts them to bed. The second issue is the time that kids need with their father...not so much help with the housework, as it is nurturing. I would not say this is so much something you ask of your husband, as what God asks of your husband...

..[my husband] listens very carefully to all my plans, and gives some input and encouragement. Even though I am doing it pretty much on my own, the support I feel is invaluable, and I believe he has a good handle on what is going on spiritually and emotionally with each child. Also, when I have discipline issues, I often call him in...

ANSWER From: NateWilson@XC.org
I'm not a pastor's wife either, but let me tell you what my wife (Paula) would say: The rearing of your children is more important ministry for you than any of the church or mission activity that people call ministry! Don't let satan trick you into thinking that your work with your children is somehow less important than the (perhaps more glamorous) ministry of your husband, so you should never feel bad about pulling out of other ministry activities to minister to your children. The Proverbs are full of admonitions to train your children carefully in light of the sorrows that come upon parents when their children are foolish. For a Bible study on this, contact Paula at <BeniahWilson@juno.com>.

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